More on Gender Neutral Play

  We've recently talked about dolls, and gender, and similar subjects. Well here's another connected subject: gender neutral toys, and gender conformity in play. The other day I  read an article  called, "You Can Give a Boy a Doll, But You Can't Make Him Play With It,The logistical and ethical problems with trying to make toys gender-neutral". It mostly concerned Sweden's efforts to make all toy makers and stores advertise their products equally to boys and girls,and the efforts of certain Swedish groups to change the manner of play in schools, (Not allowing children to play with the stereotypical toys of their gender). I have a lot to say about this, but what it mainly boils down to is: let them play how they want!
  The idea of allowing kids to play with whatever toy they want,letting boys play with dolls and girls with cars,is one thing. It's great. But to take the further step of actually preventing kids from playing with toys because they are the gender stereotype is also wrong. One school in Sweden actually got rid of toy cars because: "boys "gender-coded" them and ascribed the cars higher status than other toys". Another school even got rid of free playtime because "when children play freely 'stereotypical gender patterns are born and cemented." For heaven's sake! If a girl wants to play with dolls, or a boy wants to play with cars,that's just as okay as a girl playing with cars and a boy playing with dolls. It should be a child's choice. Not allowing a child to play as they like, with the toys they prefer is bound to cause problems that will be the subject of future articles!
  According to the article,"Boys and girls are different...They are different, and nothing short of radical and sustained behavior modification could significantly change their elemental play preferences.". In other words,even when given non gender stereotyped toys to play with,boys and girls still often tend to play with them in the way they would have played with the stereotypical ones.  Examples from the article include boys catapulting carriages and a girl putting a toy train to bed. This is obviously not always the case. Girls obviously often play with typically 'male' toys, and boys play in toy kitchens and take fatherly care of dolls. When I was a kid I had dolls, cars, a train,and all sorts of toys. I took motherly care of my dolls, but when I got outside with my tractor and manure spreader, I  farmed, and when I took my cars out I made roads in the dirt and drove my cars around. My cars were dirty and my dolls were so played with that their hair wore off. When I bought a  Chatty Cathy and Chatty Baby from a lady at a yard sale a few years ago, they were mint, because, as she and her mother explained, she preferred her cars and trucks. I played with both, and I played with them the way each sex would stereotypically play with them. Keep in mind that I grew up with only my sister to play with, and knew no other kids but my sister, and a couple of sets of cousins until I started school. I played as easily with my boy cousins as I did with my girl cousins...maybe easier. At least, I played with them more, because my only two female cousins we played with were older, and chose to play with my sister instead of me. My sister didn't play much at all. Not only is she six years older than I am, but she never really 'played' to begin with. So I had no concept of how I was 'supposed' to play as a girl, or what I was and wasn't 'supposed' to play with. The story in the article, about a little girl being given a train, and putting it to bed like a doll, doesn't mirror my story. When I was a kid I wanted a train, with loads of track that I could run all around the house, and under beds, like in the movies. What I got was a nice Marx train with such a tiny oval track that the train nearly met itself coming and going. I was very disappointed. My point is, I didn't play with my 'boy' toys the way a girl is 'supposed to'. So there goes the theory that no matter what you give a kid they will still always play as their gender might suggest.  
  It's not to be attributed to their broad mindedness that my parents bought me both 'girl' and 'boy' toys. I'm sure my mom would have been happy if I had been a girly girl who was happy to wear dresses and play only with 'girl' toys. My dad encouraged my 'Tomboy' behavior, probably because he could relate to it better. I'm not sure why Mom went with it. She always made it very clear that she had wanted a boy, but she wanted her girls to be curly haired beauties with ladylike manners. She took little interest in our toys once we had them. (I can still reel off the names of most of my kid's toys, but I don't think Mom ever even knew any of mine. I'm sure Dad didn't. He just referred to any doll or stuffed animal as 'them Damn monkeys'.) Maybe she just didn't care what we played with. When I had kids I bought them what they wanted when they were old enough to ask for particular toys. (Before that I started them off with dolls, building toys like Duplos,and the usual puzzles and activity toys that encourage learning.) Thus they all had cars, dolls, Legos, etc.,(and LOADS of books),to the extent that they were interested in them.
  The article is interesting. You can read it by going to the link above. I have to say, I really feel sorry for those Swedish kids.